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Scoop Scoop

I had this dreaded feeling that the day would come when I would have to get my tonsils removed. Well folks...the day has arrived. On Tuesday August 21st around 1pm I will be knocked out and under the knife...or perhaps a melon baller would be more accurate according to my friend and colleague, Chad Sloan. GROSS! ::insertnauseousemoji::


I was in Mrs. Nash's 4th grade homeroom during the 1992-1993 school year when I had my first bout of strep throat. For the past 25 years or so I have had strep more times than I can count, but it wasn't until this past January that I had severe pain in my left tonsil with none of the accompanying "streppy" symptoms: I, otherwise, seemed just fine. Sensitive to almost everything, it was painful to even drink water or talk. I immediately thought I had been stricken with another bout of strep, but the test came back negative as did mono, flu, and yes all the STIs. I visited one of Louisville's most reputable ENTs, Dr. Gregory Abbas, whom I met while brunching at the Speed Museum one Sunday morning this past Fall. Under his care, I was put on a strong anti-biotic that completely turned my digestive system upside down. In order to revert that, I was then put on an anti-fungal. You cannot drink on an anti-fungal, so I of course abstained, which for me was a fun test to prove that I can live without bourbon and wine. Weeks passed and the anti-biotic, anti-fungal, and the brief stint in sobriety seemed to alleviate the tonsil issue..well, it got me through Derby. The ground had hardly dried out from the Derby Deluge of 2018 when TONSILLITIS TERRI (sister of Hanoi Hannah) came back with a vengeance. This time I thought with all the new foliage and spring blossoms perhaps I was suffering from ORVS, Ohio River Valley Syndrome. I tried several kinds of allergy pills with a nasal spray. Nothing. Back to Abbas I went! With nothing left to cross off the list, my tonsillectomy was scheduled. Time for the dreaded SCOOP SCOOP! (GROSS CHAD).


A random portrait of Claude Debussy...not me.

I made a Facebook event for the occasion because I would like an overcrowded room of good thoughts and "in spirits" with me. To say that I am nervous would be an understatement, but I have been through wisdom teeth extraction and fared just fine through that, so into the fray go I. I have heard plenty of horror stories but also stories of smooth sailing. I am hoping AT LEAST for a middle of the road journey; though, I am confident I will receive a good score, a grade worthy enough for a sticker on my car's posterior:


iSCOOP'd


How I fare is directly co-related to my preparation, thus my reason for this blog entry. My mental preparation simply rests in the land of a strep-free existence. I cannot wait to have these poor excuses of a filtration system OUT of my body. In the word's of Faye Dunaway (Joan Crawford) in the cult classic "Mommie Dearest," "If you can't do something right, don't do it at all." This is not a philosophy I condone, but for my tonsils...the gig is up..."there are no more bullets left in that gun." (Sorry, another cult classic reference. I won't disclose...it's too easy.) The idea of living without strep throat reduces my fear and puts me in the frontline with breastplate, sword, and shield. Next on the list: accoutrement and various sundry items to eat, drink, and ultimately occupy my time.


WHAT I WILL EAT:


Pineapple and the healing enzyme: Bromelain

  • The anti-inflammatory/healing powers of FRESH pineapple



Mariska Hargitay (Olivia Benson)

So, send your love, your thoughts, your prayers. I could use every OUNCE of all of that. Shoot me an uplifting message on Facebook; I would appreciate that. When I am back on my feet, I look forward to raising a glass and loudly proclaiming, "TO HEALTH!"

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© 2020 by John Austin Clark